Skip to content

The Bachelor: Season 19 Ep. 5 Recap

Previews for this week had us so excited for all the juicy drama throughout the episode. The fake-out rose ceremony was a bummer, but Kelsey brought enough drama to take its place. Here are our thoughts. As always, let us know what you think!

First off, Makeup Artist Megan needs a major history lesson. Um, New Mexico is not out of the country. Also, the beaches Megan was “so looking forward to” are clearly the beaches in Mexico, which, yes, is out of the country. But, no, Megan, not where you are going to this week. 

Carly’s One-on-One

We can say without question that this date was by far the most uncomfortable, awkward, silence-filled date we have ever watched in the history of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. The amount of times Pistol covered his eyes and/or walked out of the room was in the double digits.

We both tried to place ourselves in either Carly’s or Chris’s position. It was very difficult to imagine us experiencing this ‘love guru’ because there is no way we would ever go through with that entire date, especially in the daylight for everyone to see.

Bachelor Nation must have been shocked as well. Usually the subject of intimacy isn’t brought up until the overnight dates, and even then it’s usually just ignored. Although we hated every second of it, at least the show is acknowledging the obvious.

How ironic that out of all the girls, Carly is the one that has had issues with intimacy in relationships. We totally understand why Carly is having a struggle to be “intimate,” but she probably should have realized before the ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’ talk with her ex-boyfriend that if he didn’t like to touch her, then maybe he never liked girls/wanted a girlfriend (sorry, Carly).

Group Date

Every girl on the group date had the fakest smile possible when Chris announced the date, especially when the tour guide was explaining detailed versions of how they may die. The whitewater rafting was surprisingly drama-free (except Jade’s frozen toes) but, of course, the drama came later in the night — and it was SO entertaining.

We had to look up A) Who Jordan was and B) If she and Chris ever talked soberly? We discovered that Jordan was the drunkest girl at the Week 2 rose ceremony and, no, Chris and Jordan never spoke soberly.

Kardashian wannabe (Ashley I.) is just the most obnoxious and annoying girl when she sees Jordan walk into the room. We both agree that she does know how to cry on demand very well, but we have a hard time understanding why she’s crying 99 percent of the time.

WE KNEW IT: Whitney is, by far, the most normal on this group date. She’s our top pick, too, Chris!

We took away two main points after this date: 1) Kelsey is psychotic and delusional (Pistol made sure to look up if she was actually married, her interpretation of life seems way too positive for everything she has gone through) and 2) Jordan wasted her time by coming back.

Side note: Britt is the prettiest and cleanest girl we have ever seen that hasn’t showered in TWO weeks (really gross, and we’re not sure why she tells people this).

Britt’s One-on-One

Britt, WHY do you sleep with glitter and makeup on? And, obviously, she doesn’t have morning breath like most normal people (Carly, we would be just as annoyed). Also, what happened to Britt’s fear of heights? Does she not realize that a hot air balloon still has to do with heights?

Britt’s and Chris’ date was almost annoying with how perfect it was and how little conflict they have together. Boring. We really don’t have a lot to say about it: Except Britt kind of scares us, she clearly is two-faced and says whatever Chris wants to hear, and we sadly just can’t get over the shower issue with her.

Cocktail Hour

We were speechless during this cocktail house: Kelsey has some SERIOUS issues. Didn’t she just seem completely fine on the couch acting like Chris was madly in love with her? One second we were watching her laugh and, then, all of a sudden she was on the ground screaming and having a panic attack. SHE IS INSANE and TERRIFYING at the same time (poor girls in the house).

We are counting down the days to the next episode, a.k.a. The Crazy Kelsey Show, Part 2.”

Mr. Pistol’s Top Three:

Mrs. Pistol’s Top Three:

Don’t forget! Let us know what you guys thought about the episode and our recap on Twitter at @PistolPat20 and @MrsPistol12. Leave us your final three predictions, and if you are right, you’ll have a chance to win a Pat Cannone Prize Pack!